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Schnauzers Don't Respect Personal Space

So, I have a dog. Well two, actually, but the one is going to be the main focus of this post. He's a schnauzer and he's a big one. Giant, actually. If you think I'm being kind because you've seen a schnauzer before and it was a little guy and so you figure I'm overstating his size because he has self esteem issues about being called "standard" you're wrong buddy. He's about 80 lbs of, well, self esteem issues and neuroticness.


This is him. That giant black dude staring out the window like a suspicious old man looking at a party house of free-range teenagers. No, the window isn't very low to the ground and no, the proportions haven't been screwed with. And now, after looking at the picture, no he doesn't have an electrical cord coming out of his foot. Quiet you, I'm a blogger, not a professional photographer.

He came as damaged goods. Literally. He was a rescue who was surrendered after he ate part of his own foot. Public service announcement to all the would-be vets out there: do not superglue a wound shut and then leave the dog in a cast and a cone. You end up with a dog who eats part of his own foot and a person who gets to inherit his "personality based uniqueness" after you can't afford to fix the problem that you made worse in the first place.

I love him but lord knows, he has absolutely no respect for personal space. Which is not so bad if you weigh 8 lbs like my other dog. But when you are ten times that size, have feet the size of dinner plates and a head that is roughly the same size as a horse's (and comes equipped with a drippy beard of water absorption) the fact that you feel the need to flop on your people or simply stick your noggin in the middle of everything that seems remotely intriguing is more of a hassle.

And IF you are thinking about getting such a magnificent creature as this there are things you need to be prepared to do without such as:
  • sleeping in past 8am (or a giant drippy head will see if you are still amongst the living)
  • house guests (except for one or two randomly handpicked friends who will be the ONLY ones allowed in your house without panic ensuing)
  • snacks at coffee-table level
  • snacks at shoulder level
  • snacks held up past shoulder level but not eight feet in the air (because SOMEONE taught him agility)
  • fragile things of any sort anywhere in the house
He's my boy, though, and I love him. He had a rough start and I'm trying to provide a space where he can be in all his schnauzer glory. I just tend to rethink my decision when he decides to lick my ears while I'm asleep or his burps smell suspiciously like the muffin I left on the coffee table.

If you're planning on proceeding with your schnauzer-acquisition plans, consider yourself forewarned.
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